About Happiness
Rozenkranz and Guildernstern Are Dead - pendulum scene
As coaches, we learn how to ask open questions, give space for contemplation and perspective shift. Asking closed questions that require a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer resembles driving into a dead end road. It's a conversation killer. For example, take this question: "Are you happy?" There is no simple way to answer it.
Describing happiness might seem like trying to explain to a Martian what it means to live on Earth, or educating an AI on what it means to be a human. Indescribable lightness of happiness. To be honest, I am not sure if it is good to have it in any other way. These days we tend to overthink and frantically search for theories and practice that will set us on a mission to achieve happiness. Paradoxically, the moment we start searching for it, happiness drifts away. Perhaps, happiness is like a butterfly that steps unexpectedly on your nose and then, surprisingly visits you again the next day to land on your hand. We may remember that moment for many years to come, as an auspicious blessing. We keep studying happiness trying to learn and identify what makes us happy. Is it meaning? Or purpose? Preparing to write this article, I found a list in PsychologyToday.com according to which a happy person:
Is open to learning new things
Is high in humility and patience
Smiles and laughs readily
Goes with the flow
Practices compassion
Is often grateful
Exercises self-care
Enjoys healthy relationships
Is happy for other people
Gives and receives without torment
Lives with meaning and purpose
Does not feel entitled and has fewer expectations
Is not spiteful or insulting
Does not hold grudges
Does not register small annoyances
Does not angst over yesterday and tomorrow
Does not play games
Is not a martyr or victim
Is not stingy with their happiness
Can you find yourself in any of the descriptions? Would you say you are a happy person? I find that way too often lists like this activate my mind too much and I easily end up 'fixing' myself so I can fit into the description. There is no mention of the physical sensation, and time and time again, whenever I undermine the body, I end up breaking just like Rosenkrantz's (or Guildernstern?) pendulum pot.
What are you doing to stay connected with your mind-body contentment? When everything around you tumbles, what recharges your batteries? Below is my current practice and I am eager to share what I am learning:
Recharge your batteries with micro-moments of contentment (happiness is overrated). Three time a day pause and pay attention to a sound, a shape, a taste or a sensation - just for a minute or two. Gift yourself with curious and compassionate attention, stay connected, savor.
Intercept your patterns: name your inner saboteurs and educate yourself on how they hijack you from happiness (I recomment completing an assessment of saboteurs on www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs)
Somatic regulation - I practice Qigong and especially rejoice when I learn how body activates and shapes the mind. Currently, I am exploring Wisdom Qigong, you can find more about it on WeChat account 智能气功, or https://beijingmindfulnessacademy.thinkific.com/courses/zhineng-qigong-for-wisdom-and-healing
